Humour
|
|
THINGS YOU CAN LEARN FROM A DUCK
   
|
Quotes And Sayings - Colloquialisms Part 1
ku'lowkeweeu'lizum [n] a colloquial expression; characteristic of spoken or written communication that seeks to imitate informal speech, an .....
Copyright The Quipping Queen 2005.ku'lowkeweeu'lizum [n] a colloquial expression; characteristic of spoken or written communication that seeks to imitate informal speech, an .....
THINGS YOU CAN LEARN FROM A DUCK
-- Or, what doesn't have web feet, feathers and can't even quack' --
MY CLASSMATE CONNIE
MY CLASSMATE CONNIE
by Irvin Rozier
10/08/04
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I ONCE HAD A CLASSMATE NAMED CONNIE
SHE HAD A CRUSH ON A BOY NAMED DONNIE
SHE WANTED TO GET HIS ATTENTION
EVEN .....
MY CLASSMATE CONNIE
by Irvin Rozier
10/08/04
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I ONCE HAD A CLASSMATE NAMED CONNIE
SHE HAD A CRUSH ON A BOY NAMED DONNIE
SHE WANTED TO GET HIS ATTENTION
EVEN .....
What does one do with an empty calendar'
The simple answer is to fill in the blanks with all manner of really important things to do. But, if you're like some folks, (with neither a calendar nor a 'to-do' list), it's your lucky day to engage in diddly squat.
On the other hand, if you have a curious gene in your blessed body like yours truly, you may want to learn some rather important lessons about life from a duck of a different sort.
With a mere 39,000 websites devoted to this longest living creature on earth, the "geoduck", you'd think everyone would know a thing or two about this little gem that lives in a shell beneath the sea.
The World's First Comedian?
If you ever saw Aristophanes live on stage, you must be sincerely old. Thats because he appeared around 400 B.C., and back then the videos were pretty bad .....
If you ever saw Aristophanes live on stage, you must be sincerely old. Thats because he appeared around 400 B.C., and back then the videos were pretty bad .....
Okay, so you're not up to snuff on the humble geoduck. Trust me, being an edible, five-pound clam from the Pacific Coast does have certain advantages.
-- For one thing, it's a dandy little handle to have, but few can pronounce this seven-letter word correctly (it's 'gooey-duck' if you really want to know).
-- Just when you thought all ducks have web feet, feathers, quack and live in marshlands built by Ducks Unlimited, this alien creature buried in sand and salt water comes along to prove you wrong; (now the real question is...do these critters ever grab some shut-eye...maybe even a power nap or snooze like the rest of us')
Phone Sex - What Do The Neighbors Think
Are my neighbors listening to my phone sex calls? I don't suppose I will ever know the truth.
I know they could be. .....
Are my neighbors listening to my phone sex calls? I don't suppose I will ever know the truth.
I know they could be. .....
-- Being old, having a very long neck, and no brain is cool (especially if you're a 'wet one' who has no compelling need for dry diapers).
-- But, stay away from folks with fins, a high-velocity squirt gun, and underwater breathing apparatus (if you value your life or want to get into the Guinness Book of World Records for Longevity).
YOUR HAIKU ERROR MESSAGES FOR THE DAY
PUBLISHING GUIDELINES. This article may be used in print or electronic publications. Publishers are requested to email the author (quippingqueen@yahoo.com) with a copy of the article reprinted in their publication, or a .....
-- Telling everyone you went to school with 'Tony the Tuna' won't win you any brownie points (because brownies don't live in the sea silly); so fess up'admit you haven't got a clue who Neptune is, better yet 'clam up' and behave yourself.PUBLISHING GUIDELINES. This article may be used in print or electronic publications. Publishers are requested to email the author (quippingqueen@yahoo.com) with a copy of the article reprinted in their publication, or a .....
-- Do stop fretting about your lack of talent, skills, or business acumen, because if the only thing you've mastered is how to suck and spit, you've either got the makings of a first class slob (or else you're a genuine geoduck)!
-- Since you've always fancied yourself a bit of a catch or a fine delicacy, you'll be heartened to know that in China they adore your tasty flesh in soup, in a hot pot, or fresh with a bit of tangy sauce (what a relief -- no more wimpy fries, calorie-laden burgers, or chocolate milk shakes for you)!
Oh and by the way, in case you forgot, he who is able to keep his trap shut, suck wind, and bury his head in the sand will always be valued by those who live in big glass huts. More to the point, those who fancy a large serving of sushi or stir fry will never have to "dig deep" when you're around.
Just remember when everything seems to be spinning out of control around you put on a smile, take a another sip of your favorite hooch, and whatever you do ... KEEP CLAM!!
About the Author
Truman Tockhole III, (a casual observer of alien artifacts, odd orifices, and strange stuff found underwater, below ground, in the refrigerator, or beneath one's bed) when he's not otherwise engaged in a daring debate with mirthful types over in the quirky queendom of quibbles and bits (www.quippingqueen.blogspot.com)