Humour
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Quotes and Sayings - Colloquialisms Part 3
   
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Hurricanes Have Gone But Political Winds Are Blowing
Within the last six weeks, that gusty quartet comprised of Charley, Frances, Ivan and Jeanne has lustily .....
Not very nice but colloquialisms just the same. (just fill in the blank with a word of your choice)Within the last six weeks, that gusty quartet comprised of Charley, Frances, Ivan and Jeanne has lustily .....
"you annoy me like a wet leaf stuck to my __"
"they don't put foundations under s___ houses"
"I'd rather board you than feed you, even if you sh__ the bed!"
"he's like a one-legged man in an a__ -kicking contest".'
"oh, go sh__ in your hat" - only say this to a grump!
"want in one hand, sh__ in the other, and see which one gets full first."
"remember, (name), don't eat any yellow show"
"it's time to make like a princess and pee"
"you can't pee up my back and tell me its rain!"
"like a fart on a hot griddle"
"I'm busier than a cat covering cr__."
"queer as a three dollar bill."
"colder than a well digger's a__"
"so full of sh__ his eyes are brown"
"doesn't know his a__ from a hole in the ground"
"couldn't pour p__s out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel."
"when I was hard I was soft and when I was soft I was hard."
"colder than a witch's t__ in a brass bra"
"slipperier than a witch's t__"
"two ax handles wide across the a__" - large behind
"two ax handles and a rain barrel" - really large behind
"a horse that sh__ fast don't sh__ long."
"fell a__ over tin cup"
"go p__ up a rope."
"scared sh__less"
By Now, I'm A Expert At Memory Loss
I sat down to write my weekly humor column, but I just could not remember what I wanted to write about. This seems to be an increasingly more common affliction, ever since I turned 40. For instance, like most people over 40, I often can't .....
"tighter than a bull's a__ in fly time"I sat down to write my weekly humor column, but I just could not remember what I wanted to write about. This seems to be an increasingly more common affliction, ever since I turned 40. For instance, like most people over 40, I often can't .....
"not worth a patch on his mother's a__"
"cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey"
"faster than a striped-a__ jaybird"
"a__hole deep to a ten foot indian"
"wouldn't say sh__ if he had a mouthful"
"didn't know whether to sh__ or go blind"
"so drunk he couldn't find his a__ with both hands"
"never cut a fat hog in the a__ with a dull knife"
"face as red as a jaybird's a__ in pokeberry time"
"not tough enough to kick the sh__ out of your own pants"
"so weak you couldn't knock a sick wh___ off a sh__ pot"
"food tasted so bad the dog had to lick his a__ to take the taste out of his mouth"
"a__ as big as a $40 cow"
"mouth as dry as popcorn fart"
"hotter than a cut mink" (spayed)
"didn't know whether to sh__ or wind his watch"
"not worth the scrapings off a hound dogs a__"
"as full of sh__ as a Christmas turkey"
"hotter than a June bride in a feather bed"
"harder than a whore's heart"
"colder than a witches tit"
"dumber (or crazier) than a sh__ house rat"
"hanging around her like flies on sh__"
"sh__ or get off the pot."
"does a wild bear sh__ in the wood'"
"busier than a cat covering sh__ on a tile floor"
"hornier than a two p___ered billy goat"
"stiffer than a wedding d__"
"more nervous than a whore in church"
"useless as t__s on a boar hog"
"you think with you're a__ instead of your head"
"as sure as sh__ stinks"
"colder than a well digger's a__"
"colder'n a brass monkey's a__"
"busy as a cat covering sh__ on a hot tin roof"
"happier than a pig in sh__"
"up s___ creek without a paddle"
"a crock of sh__"
"looks like a crow sh__ him on a fence post & the sun hatched him out"
"acting like a b____ in heat"
"tighter than a gnats a__ stretched over a rain-barrel"
"don't have a pot to p___ in or a window to throw it out"
"shaking like a dog sh____in' razor blades"
"built like a brick sh__ house"
"I'll be dipped in sh__ and rolled in bread crumbs"
"Up and down like a whore on Saturday night."(something that fluctuates wildly like our current stock market.)
"frog's a__ watertight'"
"actin' like her t___ got caught in a wringer"
"You look like you have been drug through a knot hole a__ backwards."
"like a fart in a glove"
"I am broke as flat as p___ on a plate"Eeyes are sh__-color brown."
"pleased as p___ 'n vinegar."
"her a__ is as big as the broad side of the barn."
"10 pounds of sh__ in a 5 pound bag"
"dumber than sh__"
"thin as p___ on a plank"
"can't find his a__ with both hands"
"up to my a__ in alligators"
"doesn't know his a__ from page 13."
"so confused he doesn't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his a__"
"couldn't find his a__ with both hands and a coon dog"
"slicker than puppy sh__ on a wood floor"
"as tired as a whore on nickel night"
"busy as a bull's a__ in fly season"
"on her like a pack of dogs on a three legged cat"
"like sh__ through a goose" - meaning fast
"He doesn't have enough sense to pour p___ out of a boot."
"pleased as piss 'n vinegar."
"he wouldn't know sh__ from Shinola"
"he doesn't know his a___ from a hole in the ground!"
About the Author
Lisa Jay is a freelance writer and the jewelry designer behind Lantana Designwear. You can visit her websites at http://www.LantanaDesignwear.com and www.JewelryMakingHQ.com
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