Humour
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It's All About Seeing the Signs
   
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THINGS YOU WON'T FIND ON MARS
PUBLISHING GUIDELINES: You may freely reprint this article in a print or online magazine, e-zine, or newsletter provided that you leave the byline intact, do not alter the content, and .....
Ace of Base hasnt seen the sign for quite some time now, but that doesnt stop the rest of us from doing so. In fact, on a regular basis, I see a lot of signs and I dont like most of them. With that in mind, I thought Id take this weeks column to reveal a few examples:PUBLISHING GUIDELINES: You may freely reprint this article in a print or online magazine, e-zine, or newsletter provided that you leave the byline intact, do not alter the content, and .....
Caution: Children at Play: Why are we supposed to be cautioned of this in case they need a steady quarterback? Or, am I interpreting this wrong entirely, and it turns out that all the children are at the theater, and this is some sort of propaganda to tell adults to go too? Either way, I think there needs to be some fine print underneath the warning, preferably written in crayon...
Slow: Children at Play: For those who are unable to see colons, this sign poses an even bigger problem than the one above. If these kids are so slow, maybe they should be running laps instead of playing. That way their speed will no longer warrant the production of signs...
Warning: Neighborhood Watch: What exactly is the neighborhood watching? Rather than discouraging crime, this sign encourages people to perform acts in the middle of the street, with the knowledge that there will always be an audience...
The Restaurant Chronicles, Part 1
Have you ever heard that saying, The show must go on"? When you hear it, you think of what is commonly referred to as Show-biz, dont you? But where can you go to see the best .....
No Parking Here to Corner: Im tired of being told where I cant park. Instead, tell me where I can. Because of these signs, I now feel that I can park on a rooftop or in a treehouse, simply because there are no signs there...Have you ever heard that saying, The show must go on"? When you hear it, you think of what is commonly referred to as Show-biz, dont you? But where can you go to see the best .....
Falling Rock: I thought VH-1 was supposed to be our source for this...
No Right Turn: If every turn is a wrong one, this makes driving virtually impossible. Society needs to be more positive, and as all great historians have never said that begins with sign making...
Anything with the words when children are present underneath: This pretty much translates into Ignore the above statement.
Any picture of an animal: This typically means that the animal may be crossing the road, but this ruins the continuity of signs. If there is going to be a picture of a duck crossing, for example, then why not a picture of someone stopping or yielding? And besides, ducks crossing the road arent funny anymore unless they are stapled to the chicken, in which case wow, talk about a laugh riot...
But I digress.